Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Maybe it's Your Va-jay-jay

I’ve got a silly rant today. One of my biggest pet peeves are people at work that always have to wrinkle their noses dramatically and ask “whose food smells???” whenever there are unfamiliar food smells – which, if you work in a diverse company filled with people who eat all kinds of food – is bound to happen. These morons also have to sniff profusely several times just in case you are retarded like them and don’t understand what all the nose wrinkling and questions mean.

Today I was tired and cranky because last night I broke down and had some fast food. It was a moment of weakness that wasn’t worth it. I got out of my jail, er cube, and headed over to the kitchenette on my floor to microwave my Medifast soup – needed to get back on the healthy eating track after slipping so fast and furiously. On the way to the kitchen, a strong odor in the hallway assaulted my olfactory glands...smelled like fish that went bad. I didn’t really care because I didn’t smell it anymore once I hit the kitchen.

While I was warming up soup, I sat at one of the café-like tables (ooh la la, so French and yet so cheap) and perused some financial advisor brochures someone had left out. Not that I have money that would be worthwhile for any FA to manage, but I’m weird – I love looking at brochures to examine the paper stock and weight, font selections, stock images, etc. I guess I do this because I’m in marketing communications and those details are my life.

I do digress. Just as I closed my eyes to relax, an annoyingly perky voice exclaimed, “Something smells funky! What is that? What food is that? Whose food is that?” while wrinkling her nose and making the aforementioned exaggerated sniffing sounds. I was irritable and not in the mood to deal with lame people (not that I’m ever in the mood for that!). The three other people in the room and I ignored her at first, but she would NOT give up her smell investigation.

“What is that funky smell??” was repeated by said idiot about five times. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I finally broke down and answered, “well, it’s ain’t (yes I know I am in communications, but I do not always speak properly, okay?) mine because I have flavorless beef stew from my diet plan (I like to refer to it as my alternative eating lifestyle).” She actually responded, “Oh yeah, maybe it’s the soup!” Yup, she’s not the brightest bulb in the Home Depot or insert your preferred big box store here. I rolled my eyes and sighed. Oh great, I thought to myself, freakinCSI Hopewell over here wants to get to the bottom of the mystery smell.

She proceeds to reveal that the smell is “interesting” in addition to being “funky.” Kind of like CHINESE FOOD she proclaimed. WHAT THE FUCK???? Oh yeah and you would know because you eat so much AUTHENTIC Chinese food, right? I was extremely pissed off now. “Umm…yea no. I am Chinese and cook and eat Chinese food and it does not smell INTERESTING and/or FUNKY.” She then attempted desperate damage control and said, “Oh, I think Chinese food smells good, though.” OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY…Needless to say, I was so over this corny chick already. But I wish I had said what I think really smelled…HA!


  1. Ridiculous. This was all make a funny book one day.

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  3. At least the neanderthals at your office did not steal your food and complain about the smell. I used to lose my lunch, literally, 2 times a week. I started putting notes on it about my HIV+ status and that still did not help.