Tuesday, June 16, 2009

This is Your Brain on Crack(Berrys)

Warning: This blog post may start or rekindle uncomfortable conversations regarding the (over)use BlackBerrys, iPhones and other PDAs.
This week, my girl KB chimes in with a guest post about the special relationship her husband shares with...a BlackBerry. As many women (and some men) may know, BlackBerrys et al have strong armed their way through piles of other distractions and hobbies (take your pick...home theatre systems, sports, Megan Fox, etc.) in order to claim top billing of all things of the relationship-wreaking variety.
Now, don't get me wrong. I myself have a BlackBerry and love using it. Did you read that carefully? I love USING it. I don't love IT. That's the huge difference between those who enjoy useful technology and those that abuse it.
I also set my BB to turn off and on every day at certain times so I am not tempted to check it every time it chimes or its red light flashes. Sometimes it's just too much...I have alerts for texts, my two personal e-mail accounts and the Facebook mobile app...lordhavemercy, that type of addiction requires its own post (or two).
My dear husband has his moments of iPhone — whom I fondly refer to as "that bitch" — fiending, but over the past few years, he's really gotten better at not using it during family/wifey time. The iBitch is very useful at times, especially when we're on the road. She is also much faster than my BlackBerry.
But I do digress, this post is not about my husband and I and our smartphones. Read on for KB's tale of electronic woe.
First of all, I would like to thank Ms. Hatewatcher herself for this guest spot – I feel so honored!
I have so many ideas that I would love to get into detail about — but here’s one that I think many of us can relate to and if you can relate to it — welcome to my world and can you show me the directions on how to get the hell outta here?!

It all began when my dear hubby decided to get a BlackBerry for work. You know, it all starts off with “babe, I have soooo much work to do and with all the traveling I do, it only makes sense…” and then it's “we can also stay in touch, babe — think of how it will bring us closer!”
Even though I knew what was in store for me, I reluctantly agreed and off we went to what I call hell on earth — the Verizon Wireless store in North Brunswick, New Jersey at Cozzens Lane and Route 1. Seriously, you can go in with a minute issue and be there for hours! Don’t even get me started on the bottomfeeders that supposedly "work" there.
Anyways, the BB finally gets purchased and then all its apps are installed, which by the way, the husband provides me with constant updates on latest ones, yippee. Two exchanges, several more downloaded apps and he is finally happy.
Let me say that this damn phone not only has made us drift further apart as he is always on that stupid thing – I’ve never wanted so badly to rip something out of his hands and stomp on it and do a happy dance – this thing has made me INSANE!
There should be a block on the data part of the phone to turn off at a decent time (Editor's Note: Holla at me girl, I know how to do this!) so some idiot from his work doesn’t send an e-mail to my hubby asking him some dumb-ass question (of course his boss is copied to show that he’s working late) so my idiotic husband can play the same game back and look like an buttlicker responding to a work e-mail at 11 pm….seriously?!?
I've lost my best friend and now husband to CrackBerrys. Soon you will hear of me going postal and stealing everyone’s BB to put an end to this madness… and you know who is behind the BB programming? A Canadian company — my home country has turned on me!
So to those who have BB and are addicts or well on their way, I offer you some simple rules:
  • If I’m talking to you, look at me not the BB.

  • If we’re in bed – BB should be OFF – not acting as a night light.
  • I thought a BB was primarily to be used for work – don’t keep downloading stupid-ass apps so you look cool (or think you do).
  • Stop sending me messages which end in “sent from my Verizon Wireless BB” just cause you think its cool (Editor's Note: I believe that pre-2008 versions of the BB do not allow one to erase or edit this annoying note. Sorry. Mine has that message, too.)

  • Under NO circumstances should the BB be taken into the bathroom — that’s just gross!
Use your BB for good – if we’re lost – log onto Mapquest, find a store or a phone number — I’m tired of hearing the excuse “uhhh, my phone is about to die”...dumbass, it's gonna die if you’re reading useless stuff and playing with your apps five hours a day!

I don’t give a damn about the new BB! Why not keep the one you have for a while — you don’t need the Curve or the Bold or the Storm so you can show it off to your nerdy friends and be “the man.”
I began writing this blog post when my husband was on the BB and I’m done and guess what, he's STILL on it….is there nothing else left to do? What happened to reading a real book or magazine?!
Oh, and I just heard that the iPhone may be launched on Verizon Wireless’ network later this year — if that’s true, I’m filing for divorce, just kidding (I think!)
Well, that’s my rant for now, thanks to the Editor for letting me have a place to vent my frustrations. On a related note, don’t EVEN get me started on Twitter and the damn tweats...the whole concept is not twit-tastic! (Editor's Note: We must be mindmelding. I am working on a post regarding on how Twitter, Facebook and other apps are turning our society into celebretard wannabees.)
Editor Suggests
10 BlackBerry Commandments" courtesy of PINK magazine


  1. Like Men on Film would say..."HATED IT"...addicted to my bb!

  2. iBitch! I love it! I call hubs' iPhone the other woman...as in, the other woman who came on our honeymoon. The other woman he reaches for in the morning before he even looks at me. oooooh, I could go on! I too find the other woman very useful for directions and obsessively checking facebook when my blackberry is dead (hey, I didn't say I was innocent in this) but it would be nice if she didn't make an appearance when we're eating dinner or have guests over. *sigh*

  3. Hee hee hee... we have a no "phone" (because they are not phones anymore, not really) rule after 7PM. If you call... you get voice mail. I think my husband would even extend it to the regular phone too if I did not stop him!

  4. Great guest post! My boyfriend has a flip phone that is 5 years old and can barely send texts, so I am okay for now!

    But is it true about iPhone/Verizon?? Hmmm.. I kinda (really) want it!

  5. Great post! My hubby was made manager of his team and his BB usage has increased greatly! He's not too bad ... doesn't use it during family time but I think turning it off after a certain hour is a good rule to have. I will 'suggest' it to him ... hearing that annoying sound when a message comes in from a calling center in India at 2 am has to stop!