Daycare = Anti-christ?

Oh boy, how long has it been since I last posted? I did write a thank you note to you, my dear readers, back in August before I left on vacation with the fam. That was a cop-out, because I didn't have the time or energy to write a real Hatewatchers-worthy post.

And where have I been since August you ask? After Labor Day, I prepared myself to go back to corporate work. I haven't been "off" this summer sunning in St. Tropez -- I've been on maternity leave taking care of Baby Boy. On September 9, I walked into my office building and Baby Boy started daycare onsite. Contrary to what many other working mothers told me, I didn't cry, get depressed, etc. I also didn't blow up the phonelines at daycare and did not stop by to see Baby. No need to...he's fine. Husby and I pay daycare to take care of our son during the day while we work hard for our family. I have full trust in daycare and will continue to until they give me reason not to.

The vacation was a much-needed break from hell, i.e., other parents. (This is my variation of Jean-Paul Sartre's most famous line of dialogue, "Hell is other people.") As you know, if you've read any of my past posts, I hate other parents. Not ALL other parents, just ones that piss me the fuck off. Which, is about 99% of the parents I come in contact with. Actually, I should amend my comments and redirect my anger towards other mothers. Fathers are not so bad. Women suck. Again, please understand I don't mean all women suck and I don't mean all fathers are not so bad. Some fathers suck, too. I will pontificate on that in a future post, I promise.

Okay, I'm off the topic once again. So, back to daycare. Yes, know-it-all moms, I am aware that daycare is a hotbed for germs and Baby will catch colds there. No shit! You know what other location is a germ factory? OFFICES! Yes, from Monday through Friday, I am surrounded by people coughing, hacking, snorting (no, not the fun stuff, just regular snorting), sneezing, wheezing, burping and all sorts of bodily functions. I have gotten sick quite a number of times from work. And yet, I still go. Amazing!

Listen, Baby Boy is going to be exposed to germs. It's life. I want him to enjoy his childhood, which means playing with other kids that may or may not have colds. I want him to play in the dirt and have fun. That's what NORMAL children do.

Another retarded comment I hear from other parents. Now this one I get from moms and dads. "Daycare is soooo expensive!" Yes, it's so expensive. I should just hire a unqualifed person to watch my child so I can pay her/him the minimum wage or less. I may be able to negotiate this person down further if there is a lack of CPR training, credentials, references, etc. Isn't it sad how we love to nickel and dime people that take care of our children, enrich their minds and ensure their wellbeing? Teachers, daycare workers, nannies, au pairs, etc., are all are paid "too much."

I look at it like this. I work at a Fortune 500 company. I want to have peace of mind during the workday so I can get my shit done and get it done right. A big part of that peace comes from having my Baby being taken care of by qualified and loving people. Those people should have the same type of benefits I do: paid holidays, sick days, health insurance, life insurance and all that good stuff.

Now, caretakers having those benefits doesn't guarantee nothing will ever happen to my child. It simply means my child is taken care of by people that have fair and balanced benefits. People that can call out if they are sick. People that have vacations. All those benefits cost money. I am happy to pay what I pay because I know that you pay for what you get.

In the end, the most important thing is that Baby is happy. And boy, is he! Already a smiley guy, he smiles even more now. Already a great sleeper, he sleeps even longer now. Already a great eater, he eats even better now. What more can I ask for? Some would say, a discount coupon. I would say, just keep my child happy and healthy.

Things are gonna happen. Bumps and bruises will occur at daycare. You know how I know that? Because all of these things happened and will happen on our own watch. Let's not go insane and expect our children's caretakers to be perfect people until we are. Besides, perfect is boring. Don't you want to play in the dirt sometimes?

Fatty Fatty Two by Four

Does anyone know of a local Baby Weight Watchers program I can enroll my five-month old in? Apparently, "experts" (clueless friends, relatives of friends, etc.,) have confirmed that my son is overweight. Yes, you read it here. My baby boy is already fat and in desperate need of a pilates class.

Now, I admit I am fat (and have even more to love now that I have had a baby) and need to get my physical fitness on more, but I am an adult. I can control what, how, where, when and why I eat. Sometimes I eat healthy and sometimes...not so much. I may eat sometimes even when I'm not hungry. But babies eat because they are...wait for it...hungry. Imagine that!

The first few times I was asked how much Baby ate, I didn't mind at all. Now after being asked over and over (and now by the same people over and over), it is really getting FUCKING TIRED. Get a new question! (Click here to see other obnoxious stuff people ask/tell me.)

One friend of mine asks me all the time how much Baby is eating and a few times even laughed and mentioned that he ate as much as an almost-two year old in her family. Let me clarify. My Baby is almost five months old and eats about six to six-and-a-half ounces of formula at each feeding, which is well within guidelines. This amount varies during times he is in pain from teething (four or five ounces only) or is in a growth spurt (seven ounces). Formula is all that he consumes. The two-year old that my friend mentioned surely consumes more than just formula, right?

It's like this. If I said I drank eight ounces of soda a day only and another person drinks eight ounces of soda and eats three meals plus snacks daily...is that the fucking same, Sherlock?? (The answer is no, just in case you are a bit slow.)

So my Fat Baby is apparently able to deceive his pediatrician during our visits, because Dr. B proclaims Baby's development as "excellent" and has no qualms about telling me that Baby is in the 90th percentile for weight (16.5 pounds at a little over four months). Last time I checked, babies are supposed to have some meat on them, right? Guess I'm slacking as a parent. First, I stopped breastfeeding and pumping and now I am overfeeding my Baby.

Just because my Baby is on formula doesn't mean that he can be overfed. YOU try and give this kid more than what he wants...he goes ballistic!!! I don't know how other babies are (because I am no expert as my friend and her relatives are, ya know!) but I do know that my Baby will throw a fit if you over- or underfeed him. And, why in world would I WANT to overfeed my baby? That's soooooo strange...perhaps other people have tried this on their own babies???? Who knows...

Another friend of mine has asked me about Baby's formula intake before because her own daughter is four days younger and on formula as well. So, she and I tend to ask one other (politely, mind you) questions involving feeding, milestones, etc. It's not a contest, we just want to gauge if we have the opportunity to exchange tips and share in the joy of our children developing at the same time.

The friend that kept asking me how much Baby ate for no reason also mentioned that people she was talking to mentioned Baby was overweight. Who are these people?? Do they work with Dr. B? If they know SO MUCH about my Baby, why don't they come over here and talk care of him for me, then? Better yet, pay some damn bills around here and shut the fuck up. Another great example of clueless, nosy, ridiculous people butting their noses into business they know nothing about.

They have no idea how hard I work to take care of Baby all day. They have no idea how I ensure he is fed properly. THEY are not around when he's in terrible pain from teething and can barely eat...which would be a win for them because then hopefully he'll lose some of that weight already, sheesh!

These dim people must admire those poor starving babies in Somalia and other third-world countries. All those ribs jutting out, fabulous. I can't wait to get my Baby on a rigorous exercise routine so he can wear his Speedo to the pool by Labor Day!

Just kidding! Seriously, though, we all have insecurities as parents. It's natural to doubt oneself at times. But, do not let your own lack of confidence became the reason for slinging arrows at my family. We are doing well and Baby is fly, fresh and flavorful...accordingly to all the feedback we receive from practically everyone my husby and I know. Not bad for a fat kid, huh?